Melodic Monday--Mighty to Save

Everyone needs compassion
A love that's never failing
Let mercy fall on me
Everyone needs forgiveness
A kindness of a Savior
The hope of nations

Savior
He can move the mountains
My God is Mighty to save
He is Mighty to save
Forever
Author of salvation
He rose and conquered the grave
Jesus conquered the grave

So take me as You find me
All my fears and failures
Fill my life again
I give my life to follow
Everything I believe in
Now I surrender

It's hard for me not to cry every time we sing this song. During the first, missed miscarriage we were studying the passage where Jesus says if you had faith as big as a mustard seed, you could move a mountain. We specifically prayed for a mountain to be moved, and it didn't budge.

That's still hard for me to process. Is my faith (and the faith of all the people in our life group at the time) really smaller than a mustard seed? Will God really show up when I need Him? Will He really conquer the grave for me?

It does just trigger a faith crisis for me. I know God has used the situation to grow me in lots of directions and He was very present in the process, blah, blah, blah. It still hurts. I'm having a hard time attaching to this pregnancy, and it's partially because I don't believe that it's really going to result in a live baby. Why should it? The last two haven't. This pregnancy has had a lot less prayer than either of those.

Guess that's why there is the last verse...all I can do is surrender.

Whatever, God. Whatever. Take me as you find me, all my fears and failures. Fill my life again.