The correct answer when Tony asked who needs prayer at the Life Group Leaders meeting tonight would have been ME. But that's not what I said. Why not?
I don't wanna be a prayer hog. Is it just me or do I seem to be asking for the same prayer issues every. single. time? It's not like I don't ever ask for prayer, it's just that there are bigger and more pressing issues than me.
I don't want to explain it. No one in that room would have understood. They're all entering or in the prime of summer, it's not fair to make them think about fall.
Fear of looking like an idiot. I was pretty sure I couldn't even say what was wrong without falling apart, and what kind of idiot is upset about getting old??
Pride. Who wants to be the one to say I need help?
Feeling like a failure. Our group is the only one that isn't growing, "multiplying" or showing incredible stories of God working in their small group. Probably not the first or the last time I feel totally unequipped and ungifted in leading a small group. I am not beautiful, popular, charismatic or otherwise attractive, so there's no way our group is going to grow by my power...and as is the theme in my life right now, God's not choosing to show up in this way. Not to mention that life group leading doesn't really overlap with my spiritual gifts inventory, either. Maybe it's a good thing I spend almost every meeting with the kids instead of the adults!
Lord help me say yes when I need it.
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6 comments:
It's hard to ask for prayer, it's definitely humbling. I'm just leaving spring, but I can still pray for you entering fall. I'm terrified of entering summer, so I understand the fear and sadness and nostalgia even if it's of a different nature. The emotions are still there. I'd encourage you to spend some time actually in lifegroup and not with the kids. In January I won't have night class so I can watch the kids from time to time so you can actually go to your own lifegroup. I know that I hide behind the kids when I'm facing something hard or I am afraid of failing elsewhere. We know how to do the kids thing, it's the doing our own life thing that's hard.
I agree with Mindy about heading back to lifegroup. Do you have any one lined up for this week? I will ask my lifegroup again to volunteer. In the meantime, if you want prayer...I'm a phone call away.
The problem with life group is I don't feel like I can ask for prayer there--we're supposed to be the givers, not the takers, kwim?
I struggle with this too... And I get so irritated with myself when I stay quiet...
thanks for posting this... It's nice to know we aren't always the only ones.
I think its being authentic to receive prayer if you need it...especially as a leader. Then your group sees you as human and vulnerable too. Being a leader doesn't mean we are without problems and struggles it just means we said "yes" to Jesus. I am learning a lot about this as I struggle through my own implications and where I am at as a leader. I have finally decided that its fair that my group knows at least some of what I struggle with. In fact, its opened up some really great prayer times and conversations that may not have come about otherwise. Yes, it's important to be givers, but you can't give unless you have received. Sometimes people need to see leaders in need before they are willing to share deeply of their own hurts. This is all stuff that I am learning about...I don't have all the answers on it...but I can assure you that to believe you shouldn't receive prayer in a lifegroup that you lead is a lie. God uses those moments to help raise up new leaders and to REALLY build relationships.
As Tony says, "the people who receive prayer the most are the healthiest."
Isn't it bizarre, then, that sometimes it's so hard...and I know we've all been there! In fact, I'd be surprised to hear if there was really anyone last night who didn't need prayer!!!
I'm challenged through reading all of this to be
QUICK TO PRAY and
QUICK TO RECEIVE PRAYER
Both are effective ways to see the KOG come.
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