Sunday, September 9, 2007

Empty arms

I'm having an "empty arms" day today. If I hadn't miscarried, I'd be due soon, and since it was twins, they probably would have come around now. It really hit me at church today, what life would have been like...the family room converted to a nursery, holding a sweet newborn, trying to figure out how to nurse two, how to pay attention to Henry and Harmony, wondering how they'd react, how we'd manage everything... My head knows that what happened was for the best, there are things I wouldn't have been able to do or lessons I wouldn't have learned if I hadn't miscarried, but my heart still has to mourn these things.

It doesn't help that I think I'm hitting a midlife crisis a little early--the whole experience has me feeling like my biological usefulness is over, and given my age, that might be true.

God, all I can say is that I trust you.

1 comment:

Jen said...

I was thinking about you over the weekend, and now I know why God urged me to pray for you. I don't think there is anything I can say to soothe or take away the ache, but know that you have a friend in me and more than a friend in Jesus--He knows just exactly what it is to feel as you do and knows precisely how to ease your heart and fill you with all things new.

We'll never have empty arms when our arms are reaching for Jesus...