Saturday, February 14, 2009

Happy Valentine's Day?

It's Valentine's Day. As I was standing in the bathroom, rocking Hope with the fan on in an attempt to get her to stop crying and fall asleep, I realized I'd been anything but loving.

I wasn't patient with Patrick, who is trying to figure out plane tickets for a spring break trip.
I could have been kinder to the kids at multiple points during the day.
I could have been less insistent upon my own way, especially in the vacation planning process.

Have I born all things? believed all things? hoped all things?

Not today.

I'd say I'd better try harder, but it's not by effort that I can love's by spending more time with the source of love. Back to that preschool song...
we love because God first loved us.

ETA: I spent some time last night praying about why and what in particular gets in the way of loving others. And what I heard boils down to selfishness. "I've waited ten years; don't I deserve a normal looking house with light fixtures and trim? I cleaned the kitchen while everyone else was napping (Patrick and Hope), playing on the computer (my mom) or watching a movie (Henry and Harmony); didn't I earn a trip to the bathroom by myself?"

The answer was no: "For the wages of sin are death." The only thing I can earn and desere is death! When I spend time in God's presence, I'm reminded how much I don't deserve love; what a wonderful gift it is. I realize how far I fall short of the mark, yet He gracefully forgives and loves me anyway. Its those reminders that let me love others more.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

The irony is that I finally figured out a flight plan and the web is down for maintenance...

Mawwage... is wot bwings us togewher.