Today Patrick and I went to Indy for the day to celebrate our anniversary. We ended up doing exactly what he said he didn't want to do--dinner and a movie. We had dreamed of a trip to Tampa Bay to see a Rush concert or at least a trip to Chicago to do the architectural tour, but neither one happened--things have been too crazy busy at work for both of us. At least we did it on our own terms--we had lunch at Machu Pichhu, a Peruvian restaurant. Then we saw The Waitress at the Art movie theater, I fell apart, we tried shopping, ended up browsing at Barnes and Noble for a couple of hours, had some better-than-average-but not as good as Naked Tchopstick's sushi, browsed at Borders (notice a theme?), then had dessert at The Cheesecake Factory. I'm sure we consumed enough calories for a week!
So I guess I better explain the "I fell apart" in the middle. I'll try not to give away the movie, and if you haven't recently had a miscarriage, it was a very sweet movie. Anyway, the opening scene is the waitress (Jenna) in the bathroom, wishing very hard that the EPT be negative... but it's not. The story goes south from there, with a selfish and abusive husband, several affairs, and some very luscious looking pies.
I've done a very good job the last several months of trying to cope with the miscarriage, but mostly I've gotten busy enough to not have to think about it. The movie was a) the first time in at least a month that I've had enough time to even think about it; b) triggered the "why do people who don't want babies get pregnant and stay that way and those who don't struggle with it" question, and c) the start of period #1 after the miscarriage. A triple whammy of emotions. The bookstore break helped me get out of that groove, but it was all back at church this morning. Sarah preached about grace, and the passage was Ephesians 2:1-10. It brought a whole new aspect to the pain of the miscarriage--yes, we all deserve death, but couldn't they at least be born before they died? I need some better ways to process the and "get over it" or at least be able to not cry through entire movies or church services, but there don't seem to be many resources out there--other than being prayed for after church :)
So it definitely was not the best anniversary celebration. Maybe we'll try again in Sept and really celebrate.
3 comments:
I have to know. How were the potatoes at the Peruvian restaurant?!
I will fill you in on why I care after you reply. ;)
Didn't have any :) We had ceviche and another seafood dish (that was served with rice, not potatoes :))
Hi Ann, I found your blog though the Aug 2002 BBC site. Just wanted to say that I also lost my third child (miscarriage) and I know how incredibly deep the pain can be. I also struggled with the Lord, asking why, wanting deeply to hold another child in my arms. All I can say is that He is there with you, I have no easy answers. We were finally blessed with another miracle, 2 + years after the miscarriage, the wait was NOT easy. Know you are not alone. Blessings to you and your family.
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